omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My vagina is officially offended.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
