Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
