Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
