i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you.
Bad choice
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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