one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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