I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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