thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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