As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
