I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
