All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
