At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
