If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
