do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
two words...techno handjob
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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