Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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