I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
