I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
