Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize