How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
