I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
