I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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