Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
