I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
