I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
