I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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