be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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