I will die if light touches me.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
