Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize