I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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