"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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