I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
