we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
