fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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