Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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