do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone shattered a urinal.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
