You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
