i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Houston, we have a blender
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
