HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
