ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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