my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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