Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
