Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
