i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You took a bar mat shot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
