Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
