4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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