Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
