Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I want is dick and wine.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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