I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize