i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
