I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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