so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
