Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
