Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
