So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize