Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
