If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just invented taco cereal.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
