if you like me you must not know who I am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
