Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We talked him into tasing himself.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
