I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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