I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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