I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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