the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just google imaged poop.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
