Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am one with the molecules
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
