My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
