I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
