ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
