Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
