You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
