I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
