Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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