i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
