I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
