let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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