Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
