if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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