PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
