Cold hands, warm shart.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
