Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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