so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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