Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize