I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
