I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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