No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
