did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
