Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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