The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize