Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
