He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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