it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
