she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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