i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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