I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am mentally ready for anal.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize