He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
