so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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