So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize