I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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