Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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