Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
