Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
