dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
