I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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