you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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