I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
