i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
