Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
