I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is wine microwaveable?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize