i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
