I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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